if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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