1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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