it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
