he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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