She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
