Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
