if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
