drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
