He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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