clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
