Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
