We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
