Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
