i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
