well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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