I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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