she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
