I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
