hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
