dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
