She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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