Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
