Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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