the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
