So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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