I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
