girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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