I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
