so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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