i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
