Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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