Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
