ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
