p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
