im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize