Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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