Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
