just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
