Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
