Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
