yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
