You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
