worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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