we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
