maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
