I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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