What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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