So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
