I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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