def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Mom said you looked used
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
