I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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