I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
