so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
