I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
