btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
