I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
