he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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