i would punch a child for taco bell
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize