worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize