So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize