Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
