yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize