I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
