someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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