have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
