I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
