I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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