Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
