This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
