its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm really busy with my period
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