just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
