You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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