We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
