I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
