I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
