Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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